Where the Heart Is
by Fingersnaps
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS: She has made her decision, now she has to tell them.


5

Where the Heart Is

"You think the Director's ready to reinstate us?"

"Not likely; we only resigned a week ago Tony. They're not going to welcome us back with open arms, not until they've finished checking out what Parsons was really doing."

"Geez McSerious, can't you give a guy a little hope?"

Tim hit the elevator call button and grinned at his friend. "Okay...if Director Vance offers us our jobs back today, I'll buy you dinner at the restaurant of your choice."

"You could live to regret that offer Tim, I have very expensive tastes."

"I know you do, but I'm pretty sure I won't have to pay out. Come on, let's go see what he does want with us."

As soon as they arrived in the Director's outer office his secretary waved them through. "They're waiting for you, go right in."

Tony opened the door; they were all there, what was going on? The Director was sitting at his desk, his face an inscrutable mask, Ziva was standing behind him staring out of the window. Gibbs, Abby, Ducky and Jimmy were sitting at the table, looking every bit as puzzled as Tony and Tim felt.

"Ah, DiNozzo, McGee; please sit down. Ziva, are you okay, or do you want me to begin?"

They saw Ziva straighten her back as she turned to face them. "That will not be necessary Director, I am ready." She moved away from the window and walked toward them, one look at her eyes and Abby made a slight movement, ready to reach out and offer her some comfort. Gibbs laid a restraining hand on her arm and she settled back in her chair, waiting to hear what she had suddenly come to dread.

"I want to thank the Director for allowing me to this opportunity to speak to all of you. This...this is very difficult, at first it was my intention to write to each of you, but after all we have done together it is only right that I tell you face to face." She took a deep breath and tried to steady her voice. "When we resigned I think we all hoped it would be a temporary situation, that when everyone discovered how wrong Parsons was about our team we would be able to come back to NCIS and continue as before. However, for me there is no coming back...these last days I have been able to think, to decide what it is I wish to do with the rest of my life and where I will spend my time."

"Ziva...no..." Abby reached out for Gibbs, he'd tell her this was wrong, that Ziva was staying with them, but he shook his head. "Let her tell it Abs."

With a brief smile in her mentor's direction Ziva took a moment to compose herself before continuing; if she'd realised just how difficult this was going to be she would have stuck to her original plan and sent emails, but even as the thought flashed through her mind Ziva knew it wasn't true, she had been through too much with these people to walk away without a word. "I do not want you to think I have made this decision lightly but my mind is made up, I am going back to Israel, to Mossad."

"You can't, I mean you're a US citizen!"

"I know Tony, and...you must understand, I was so proud to become a citizen, an agent, I truly thought I had changed, that I had become a different person, and then...My father had done some terrible things to me, Ari, Somalia...after that I thought he could never hurt me again, I believed it too, until the night he was killed. I had turned my back on my country, my mission." Unconsciously she was fingering the Star of David at her throat. "What I have done, what I must do, it puts in danger the very people for whom I care the most. Even when my father was killed he was not the only victim; Director Vance, I can never atone for your loss, but if by walking away I can prevent the death of one more innocent, then I must walk."

"You are not to blame for Jackie's death Ziva, events were in motion that you couldn't have prevented."

"It is kind of you to say so, but I think we all know that had we not been in your home that night your children would still have their mother. I cannot, I will not have the death of another innocent person on my conscience; it is time for me to return where I belong, to my home."

"Thought you'd made this your home Ziva."

"As did I Gibbs...do not think, any of you that this has been easy for me, I have been pulled this way and that, but in the end I know this is the right thing. I have spoken often to Schmeil, he understands why I must do this, I hope in time you can too. It will be hard enough to walk out of this room, if I thought I had lost your friendship..."

Gibbs was by her side in a heartbeat. "What we have is stronger that friendship Ziva, we're family, and that's not going to change." He lifted her chin and kissed her forehead. "We're going to miss you, more than I think you know, but we won't stop caring for you."

"Oh Gibbs...you...when my father abandoned me in Somalia, when I thought there was no one in the world who cared for me, you have been my rock, my teacher...my Papa." The tears she'd promised herself she would only shed in private started to fall. "This is harder that I could ever have imagined...you all have a place in my heart, please believe me, but I must go."

"Then we must let you go my dear, but will you permit an old man to take a farewell kiss?" Ducky waited for Gibbs to step aside, then with a sad smile he kissed her damp cheek. "You are certain this is the right thing for you?"

"As sure as I can be Ducky, I have thought of nothing else since we handed in our badges. I hope you are not angry with me."

"Never angry my dear Ziva, sad certainly, but not angry. Despite your tears you look more...at ease than I have seen you since your father and Mrs Vance were killed. The call of home and duty is powerful and you do right to heed that call."

"I should have known you would understand, you are so wise my friend."

"Not always my dear, if I was so wise I would have seen this coming and tried to talk you out of it."

"I do not think so, you would have let me find my own path I think."

Ducky took her hand in his and kissed it, a chivalrous gesture from a true gentleman.

"I fear it is time for us to say farewell Ziva; Jimmy and I have a guest downstairs who deserves our best attention."

"But of course, the call of duty." She hugged him quickly and planted a light kiss on his cheek, then turned to the young man standing diffidently behind the Medical Examiner. "Jimmy, would Breena be upset if I kissed you?"

Blushing to the tips of his ears Jimmy took a step closer to her. "She...she wouldn't mind, not under the circumstances. Are you really going?"

"Yes Jimmy, it is right, and you know how important it is to do the right thing, just as you did when you changed your wedding plans so that you could help us in the search for Dearing. You are a fine man, and Breena is a very fortunate woman to have found you."

Another quick embrace, then Ducky and Jimmy were gone, as she was momentarily blinded by tears; Ziva felt someone put a tissue in her hand. "My steadfast McGee, always ready with a helping hand. You were my first friend here, and you have become...so much more than a partner. I will miss your kindness, your gentle smile; I have trusted you with my darkest secrets and you protected me...leaving you...it almost breaks my heart."

"Then don't go Ziva, stay...you can help people here, it's what we do."

She silenced him with a chaste kiss. "I must follow my heart my friend, and my heart is calling me home. Your many kindnesses will never be forgotten, and if ever I can attempt to repay you in any way, if ever you are in trouble, call me and I will come, promise me Tim."

He gave a slight gasp. "Finally, when you're about to walk away, you call me Tim..." He turned away and headed for the door. "I can't...be safe Ziva, if you need us, for anything, just ask."

The door closed with a click that sounded unnaturally loud in the suddenly silent room, Ziva leaned against the Director's desk, drained of all energy. "Will he forgive me do you think?"

"Nothing to forgive Ziva, Probie understands what you're doing, we all do, doesn't mean we have to like it." Tony lifted her chin and looked into her eyes. "Just tell me one thing Ziva, is it Adam, are you going back to him?"

"Maybe Tony, I truly do not know, I found comfort with him once, perhaps it can become something more, or perhaps I have missed the chance to share my life with one special person."

"I thought...you and me, there were times..."

"And I cherish them, but you and I...we are too much alike, too much fire, not enough ice. Tony, you know, I hope you know...there will always be a special place in my heart for you, for what might have been."

He took her in his arms and held her close, breathing in the scent of her one last time. "I should go check on Tim, he takes these things to heart you know...Ziva, don't make me say it."

"I will be careful Tony."

Without another word he was gone. Hesitantly Ziva turned to Abby; Abby's cheeks were stained with tracks of mascara, Ziva stooped in front of her chair and reached out for her hand. "Please do not cry so my sister." Ziva smiled a little at Abby's startled expression. "We did not have the best of starts I know, after Tali...it was not easy for me to let another woman get close, but we are sisters now I think and no matter how many miles come between us, we will always be so."

Unable to speak due to the huge lump in her throat Abby leapt from her chair, pulled Ziva to her feet and almost smothered her in a huge hug. Ziva didn't resist, and after a momentary hesitation she threw her arms round Abby and held her tight. "This is for the best Abby, for all of us."

"B...but we'll miss you so much...my musketeers..."

"In our hearts we will always be together. Abby, I...it is time for me to let go."

It seemed as if Abby wasn't prepared to release Ziva from her arms so Director Vance took matters in hand. He took a gentle but firm hold on Abby's arm and started to guide he to the door. "Ms Sciuto, Abby let's take a walk and go get you a CafPow."

Ziva watched them go and reached deep inside for reserves she wasn't sure she had, if she could just hold it together for a few more minutes. "I did not intend to hurt them Gibbs, I do not know why, but I thought this would be easier."

"Never easy to walk away from family Ziva, you having second thoughts?"

She shook her head without hesitation. "Not today...I have had second, third even fourth thoughts every day since I first decided to go home. But finally my path is clear to me. Israel is where I belong."

"Mossad too? I thought you'd left them behind"

"As did I...I have changed, and I believe I am a better person, one who thinks longer before acting, but Bodnar...I could not let him get away."

"You had your reasons, and I understand why you needed to get him."

She linked her arm through his and leaned against his shoulder. "They say revenge is sweet, but they lied, there is only bitterness, and emptiness...there was so much left unfinished between my father and I...now I will never have the chance to tell him I forgive him; but by continuing his work...it is the least I can do even though it means turning my back on the friends I love, the country I had come to think of as home...It is time for me to go, if I stay I will falter in my purpose."

Gibbs could see she was just barely hanging on to her composure, so he contented himself with kissing her forehead and whispering. "You did good work Ziva, real good work."

She managed a smile as she waved to him and headed out of NCIS and towards her future.

Ziva reached the parking lot before the tenuous hold on her self-control slipped, she stood beside a black limousine with Israeli diplomatic plates and started to cry, loud painful sobs that shook her body. She became aware of someone standing beside her and tried to regain some equilibrium.

"Let it out Ziva, tears are nothing to be ashamed of; you have grown fond of these people, as they have of you. Between you and I there will never be any need for pretence, let us begin as we mean to go on, tell me now as a friend, not as Director of Mossad, tell me what you feel."

"It is...my family...I feel as if I have abandoned my family."

Director Elbaz ushered Ziva into the cool interior of the car and sat beside her, holding her trembling hands.

"You have not abandoned them Ziva, the bonds you have forged these past years are too strong to be broken. If ever you are needed here...let us say a temporary liaison position can always be arranged."

"You would do that for me?"

"Ziva, do you not realise how important you are to Mossad, how your breadth of experience makes you one of our greatest assets? We need your skills now, more than ever; will you help me make Mossad strong, help us protect Israel?"

As the limousine pulled away Ziva took a long look out of the tinted windows, this place had felt like home for so long; but it had never truly been so; in her heart, in her soul, Israel was home and if necessary she would defend it with her last breath. She gripped the hand of the new Mossad Director, content at last in the knowledge that she was doing the right thing.

"I will help you Orli, you and I, we will make a good team, yes?"

THE END


End file.
